Falling off the face of the earth

I know that's what you're thinking...either that or I did finally succeed in getting run over by a bus and now my ashes are free floating somewhere. Not true on either count, well maybe the falling off the face of the earth is true as I am living in Idaho. Some would say that qualifies. To be honest it's not bad. I'm not looking forward to the arrival of winter but that's still a little way off. People in the Boise area are fit (it's really pretty annoying). They ride bike, they run, they walk and for the most part they look like it. I got a little spoiled living in Florida where it didn't take a whole lot of effort to stay below the average weight or above the average fitness level. Here I actually have to work at it. Exercise and I are not best friends. I do it every day and I hate it every day. The bicycling not as much as walking or in rare moments jogging. Living with two people who have mandatory PT at their work place (Mountain Home AFB) I don't get much sympathy when I whine. I don't feel too bad since my grandson started cross country this year and he gets no sympathy either. Yesterday would have been my son Jordan's 33rd birthday. It's been 12 years since he died and his birthday isn't as hard as it was in earlier years. I do still miss him and I do still wonder what he'd be like now. My main regret is that he didn't get to see his son grow up. Julian is now a teenager and a great kid. Jordan was a mess but he loved his son more than anything else in the world. I think he'd be very proud of him. "don't waste your time on me, you're already a voice inside my head" Blink 182 I used to take care of Julian while his mom was at work and it seemed like his dad was forever looking over my shoulder, and a voice inside my head, especially if I did something that was maybe not quite as "safe" as it should be, like letting him ride on my lap on the lawn tractor while I mowed. I lived with the constant thought that if I anything happened to Julian I'd be letting Jordan down, and when he died all his dreams for his son became my responsibility. I miss seeing Julian every week like I used to. Now I see him once or twice a year. He and my grandson Padyn have switched places as far as my time allocation goes. It used to be Julian I got to spend time with and Padyn who I saw once or twice a year. I told Julian when I left that he had me for 12 years and now it's Padyn's turn. By the time his twelve years are up I'll have great grandchildren. Well that's just not where my mind wants to go today. Anyway, here's to all of us who have voices inside our heads.