Voices In My Head

I know what you're thinking...time for a referral to a good mental health professional...she hears voices. Come on, be honest, you do to. I'll give you some "for instances":
      When I bake a pie it's my mom in my head, "if you don't quit messing with that dough it's going to be tough as card board."
      When I get ready to leave on a road trip it's my dad, "did you check the oil, did you check the tires, do you have flares and tools?"
       When I'm writing, it's a composite of all of my English teachers, "is that a sentence or a paragraph or both?, Seriously, how did you manage to write the whole essay without one spelling error?" I really did do that and without spell check. After a year of constant red marks for spelling, I did the whole final exam with no spelling errors. When asked how I did it I told him the truth. If I wasn't sure how to spell the word I just used another one I was sure of. He just laughed and said "I'm glad you have a good vocabulary."

The point is everything anyone has every told us is in our heads, good and bad and it's up to us to decide which voices we are going to believe and which ones we are going to listen to. There's a good deal of trash talk in my head, more of it came from me than I'd like to admit. You know the dialog..."why are you even trying to do that, you know you can't? Why can't you stop eating stuff you shouldn't, look at you, do you ever look in the mirror and what, pray tell, is up with that hair?"

You can listen to all that trash you've generated or had donated or you can read what God has to say. What does God say you are, what does He say you can do or be? If you're going to listen to voices at least make it one with something worthwhile to say. 

Little Stuff

I get ready for church this morning and I want to wear my new shoes with my sort of long jeans. They have some heel so the jeans don't drag on the ground. Jeans on the ground were "the thing" when I was in college but now it kind of drives me nuts and that totally has nothing to do with the story.
I usually walk or ride my bike to church so Padyn asks me "are you walking today" and I said "no, these heels aren't much good for that distance, I'm going to ride my bike". "You're going to ride bike in heels?" was his response. "I've done it before, it's no big deal" and it really isn't unless the front part of the shoe is really slippery. These didn't seem to be and it wasn't a big deal at all. I got to church, locked up the bike said hi to the guys at the door and when I put my left foot down (on a wet spot) my ankle when over and I skidded into a half split. Luckily I didn't go face first on the floor but was able to pull it back together and walk a bit more carefully the rest of the way across the lobby. So it seems as difficult as it sounds, riding bike in heels is not the problem, the simple task of walking across the floor is the problem.
It's like that with a lot in life. I don't fall for the big traps, it's those little tiny ones that catch me every time. I think it's because I'm not looking for them and they're sneaky. When I think of the 10 commandments it's the big glaring ones, murder, adultery and the like that come to mind not the equally important but some how not as glaring coveting, or bearing false witness. How many times have I seen someone with something I didn't have and wanted it for myself. Nothing wrong with aspirations and goals, something is wrong with being envious and wanting something just because someone else has it. Bearing false witness.....sounds a bit like gossip, passing on or encouraging someone else to pass on something when it may not be true. I'd go one better and say even if it's true if it's hurtful maybe just because you know it doesn't mean it needs to go any further. I'd bet most of us don't have a problem with the big stuff. We see it for what it is and avoid it but the little stuff we don't even see creeping in we know we're on the right path until that pair of heels hits a little wet spot and off we go.

Better Places and Saying Goodbye

I don't like saying goodbye, especially goodbye forever. I don't suppose anyone does. I am envious of anyone who says "he is in heaven and I rejoice for him" and believe it right down to the ground. Before you throw rocks at me because I'm not walking in faith I'll tell you I do believe that, but when someone I love dies it's not what comes to mind first. First I stamp my feet (figuratively) and cry and have a tantrum because I will have to go on without someone I love. It isn't fair! I hate it! Everyone should feel as sorry for me as I do myself and let me tell you I am a champion at feeling sorry for myself, so try to keep up, OK. I have been blessed with some wonderful friends, loving family, supportive co-workers and I do not want any of them leaving me behind. I'm immediately a 5 year old again who has lost track of her mom in the store, abandoned and terrified. Not real mature for someone my age but that's how I feel. After the tantrum and the massive pity party I do understand that death is a part of life and if you are a Christian it's a wonderful part. It's the part where you finally get to see Jesus and God face to face, say nothing of all the ones you love who have died before you. In my head I know all of these things, in my heart, I do not want to let go. In my heart I think if they were going to leave they should have taken me with them. My head needs to have a serious talk with my heart.

Old dog, new tricks

I've had some greeting cards I designed on a storefront of a big online greeting card site for probably three years. They recently changed a lot of their "guidelines" and decided that my cards were not within those guidelines and that they would be "closing" my store. To be honest it wasn't a big deal other than to my pride. I haven't sold tons of cards through them anyway. My only problem was that since I deactivated my own website several years ago, this was my only "online" presence. Because of the small volume of cards I sell it really didn't make sense to pay 4.99+ for a website so I started looking for free web hosting. Finding it was the easy part building it not quite so easy. My first website was designed by a neighbor of mine in Florida. I did the updates but he did all the set up. This one I had to do start to finish. After a lot of steps preparing the pictures to upload and getting a few samples up I was feeling pretty proud of myself. Who says grandma can't do a website. Then I shared it on facebook to find that it was showing up as "RamblinOnGraphics-greeting cars from the road". The worst part was I had no idea where to go on the site to fix the error. After muddling around for a while I did find it and fixed it. Moral of the story is that it's never the big honkin stuff that trips you up it's the itty bitty stuff. All the beautiful pictures and card descriptions were perfect but how professional would any of that look with one letter missing from the link? It's the little things that will do you in every time.