I don't like saying goodbye, especially goodbye forever. I don't suppose anyone does. I am envious of anyone who says "he is in heaven and I rejoice for him" and believe it right down to the ground. Before you throw rocks at me because I'm not walking in faith I'll tell you I do believe that, but when someone I love dies it's not what comes to mind first. First I stamp my feet (figuratively) and cry and have a tantrum because I will have to go on without someone I love. It isn't fair! I hate it! Everyone should feel as sorry for me as I do myself and let me tell you I am a champion at feeling sorry for myself, so try to keep up, OK. I have been blessed with some wonderful friends, loving family, supportive co-workers and I do not want any of them leaving me behind. I'm immediately a 5 year old again who has lost track of her mom in the store, abandoned and terrified. Not real mature for someone my age but that's how I feel. After the tantrum and the massive pity party I do understand that death is a part of life and if you are a Christian it's a wonderful part. It's the part where you finally get to see Jesus and God face to face, say nothing of all the ones you love who have died before you. In my head I know all of these things, in my heart, I do not want to let go. In my heart I think if they were going to leave they should have taken me with them. My head needs to have a serious talk with my heart.
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