Joy Misplaced

 

I have a lot of wonderful Christmas memories and a few not so wonderful. One of those not so wonderful ones was completely of my own making.

My father in law had delivered a nice round evergreen he had purchased from the Rotary Club he was a member of. He did this every year and never let me pay him for the tree. The kids wanted to put the tree up right away and their dad was still at the farm working. I got out the defective, legs always falling off tree stand and tried to set the tree up. It was too tall. Not a big deal. My dad didn’t raise no girly girl who didn’t know how to use a saw. With saw in hand and two helpers to hold the tree steady we cut the trunk off to better fit under the ceiling.

The cutting accomplished I put the trunk into the stand and tried to hold it while tightening the thumb screws that held the trunk in place. Every time I attempted to straighten the tree and tighten the screws I moved the tree just enough for one of the tree stand legs to fall off.  I went on like this for what seemed an eternity, tree sliding to one side, me straightening it up, a leg falling off, putting the leg back on straightening and another leg falling off.

In a fit of frustration I must have said something inappropriate (as I did when my temper got the best of me) or just my totally irritated, impatient demeanor got the best of my kids. Kris was maybe 4 or 5 and Jordan 3 or 4. One of them, I can’t recall which one it was came over as I knelt on the floor, got very close to my face and said quietly, “it’s OK mom, we don’t need to have a tree”.

I could have burst into tears. I was acting like such an ass that my poor children were willing to fore go a Christmas tree just to get me to act half way normal. I was petrified. Immediately calm I said “if you guys think you can hold the tree straight, I think I can get these tightened without the legs falling off. I don’t know how many more tries it took but we did it. One of my favorite pictures in the world is of the two kids in their pajamas in front of that very tree. We had put the lights on and they were just getting ready to start with the ornaments.

It gets hectic at Christmas time, we get tired, frustrated and yes, sometimes downright angry. Don’t let stupid things get in the way of your peace and enjoyment of this time of year. Don’t let anything steal your joy or the precious joy and wonder of those around you.

I’m sure if I asked Kris today she’d still remember the year we didn’t have to have a Christmas tree. That’s not the kind of memory you want your children to remember.

Punch Buggy

Who hasn’t caught a boney knuckled sock to the shoulder while riding in the car, accompanied by the yell PUNCH BUGGY?  First it was my kids, now it’s my grandkids and they always remember to yell “no punch backs” which leaves me with no retaliatory options. Well I could drive into the ditch and blame it on them for punching me but that would be a bit extreme. The thing is you don’t pay any attention to the make or model of the other vehicles on the road nor are you aware of how many there are unless you are looking, actively looking. You have to be seeking those funky little VW Beetles or you don’t even notice them.

So I’m wondering how often we do not notice God because we honestly aren’t even looking say anything about “seeking” Him with intent. Maybe once in a while in a crisis, or a trial we go looking for God the rest of the time He’s kind of like that shirt in the closet you only wear when it’s really cold. He’s there, you know He is but it’s not that cold so you really aren’t looking for Him, not wanting to put Him on and let anyone see you. After all you don’t want to look like a total geek, like no one else you know….

“Proverbs 8:17 I (God) love those who love me; and those who diligently seek me will find me”.

Diligence, what a nasty word, it implies work and not just half hearted work but put your heart soul and back into it. So where do I go to seek Him? How about everywhere, outside your door in creation, in others and most of all in His word and even in yourself if you’re magnifying what’s good. God wants us to seek Him, show Him to others and even allow punch backs because it never hurts to have Him pointed out to us by someone else.

Friends

I recently spent a week with my friend Deirdre in the San Francisco Bay area. Deirdre and I have been friends since college and have lost track of each other more than once. We stay in touch much better lately, maybe because of social media, maybe because of where we both are in our lives now.

After college we took very different paths in very different areas. She ended up in California and I in ustate New York and eventually Florida. I got married and had kids, Deirdre went on with her studies while she worked and earned several degrees. We were brought up in different environments financially, culturally and geographically. You’d think we wouldn’t have much common ground to work with. When my kids were little Dee was like a fun aunt. She’s good with kids and as a librarian gets to enjoy (or not) a lot of them. Now we are older and I am divorced neither of us is married or has “little ones”.

I don’t think it’s the similarity in our situations that has made us closer. I think it’s that we both enjoy having friends of all ages but spending time with someone of the same age is like wearing comfortable shoes instead of high heels, jeans and a t-shirt instead of a dress.

It was nice to tromp around San Francisco with someone who I don’t have to struggle to keep up with, someone who stops to use the rest room as much as I do instead of me always being the one holding up the march because I have to go, and someone who is ready to stop for a drink when I am. We have a common library of music. I like new stuff and stuff much older than I am but the music on the radio when I was in high school and college will always be special because it takes me right back to where I was the first time I heard it. “Sealed with a kiss” an end of the summer bonfire, cookout. My brother was going into his senior year of high school.  I can smell the smoke, taste the grilled sweet corn and feel the sadness that another summer was almost over.

I have friends from several states, several sources and of several ages and I cherish each and every one of them. They all bring something different to the table because of who they are, how we became friends and the times we have shared. But…I do have to admit, it is so much fun to have someone your own age to play with now and then.

Would You Listen to What I'm Thinking, Not What I Said

"If you want to be a resource to help your teenager, you must first be a refuge." Jay Younts.

I believe this is true of anyone in need of help, guidance or correction. No one will hear or respond to you until they know they are loved and safe with you. I don’t need a dvd of my life with my children as they grew up to know how many times I fell short of this.

I was zipping my daughter into her wedding dress on what should have been one of the happiest days of her life. I made it less than that by one remark. As I pulled the bodice together to zip it up I said, “you’ve gained weight”. That was a bad enough thing to say but what she heard was worse. What she heard was “you’re fat, you’re ugly and you’ll never be good enough to gain my approval”.

We were in the same room but as is always the case we weren’t hearing each other’s thoughts because what I was thinking is, “I hope I can get this up without messing up the zipper because I don’t want to ruin my beautiful daughter’s wedding. “ I have let her down before, please don’t let me do it today”. Unfortunately my thoughts weren’t what she was hearing.

Words, stupid little things that didn’t come out at all the way we meant them can have such power but every once in a while what I am thinking comes out exactly the way I meant it and a blinding smile is my reward. It’s too hit or miss to satisfy me.

Speaking encouragement does not come naturally to me. In my family the only time a comment was directed totally in my direction it was to point out a shortcoming, a disappointment, something I could have done better. If I heard nothing then it must have gone all right. My mom was despite this able to impart the feeling that we were loved (despite our shortcomings) and has been my refuge and sanctuary all my life. I vowed to make sure my children knew every moment of every day that they were loved, valued and all together someone I was proud of. I’m still working on that and my daughter is in her thirties. You’re thinking, I hope I’m not that slow a learner and to be honest I hope you aren’t either.

By speaking encouragement, by speaking kindness and most importantly by not speaking things that are neither of the above you will create a refuge, you will become a sanctuary. From that place you will be in a position to guide and correct with love and not as an adversary. Your words will either make you the person someone hurting will run to or the person they run away from. No matter where you come from this is your choice.

Like me, you may need to learn that saying nothing is often better than letting whatever is in your head fall out of your mouth. Give God a moment to help you zip your lip or arrange your words so that they say exactly what He would have you say. He has the advantage of knowing not only your thoughts but exactly what is in the head of the one you’re speaking to.

Philemon 1:7  Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, the hearts because you, brother, have refreshed of the Lord’s people.

How many encouraging words can you give today, not insincere, but real honest uplifting words?

How many times today will you be “slow to speak” letting God influence your words?

Will you let yourself become a blessing to others, a refuge, and a sanctuary, someone who refreshes and gives joy?