Hearts that Break

“Seasons come and seasons go
Hearts that break will mend and grow
And when the darkness feels darker still
I’ll be with you, Oh I will, Oh I will. “

Daena Jay

I do believe that. I do believe that whatever I’m going through God is there with me. I do believe that I am never alone. That knowledge doesn’t keep me from falling into bouts of depression.  In my head I know it should but what I know has little to do with depression.  It’s like a dark entity invades every part of me. The usually aches and pains of being an older woman become more painful, the losses I have encountered and believe I have coped with suddenly burst into the room, not coped with at all. When my brain is functioning as it should small irritations slide into the back ground unnoticed and of no consequence.  When the invader arrives all of those minor irritations ingest a mega sized dose of steroids and become earth shattering and life altering.  I will blame it today on several days of cloudy weather and rain. I will blame it on my lack of will. I will blame it on my lack of faith. None of that is true there is no one, nothing is to blame. Before you blame me for not taking a magic pill to escape falling into the pit I will tell you I have. I’ve tried several and either they had no effect or made me a walking dead. Unlike some sufferers the invader doesn’t stay with me that long so I’ll pretend to be normal until I am once again. I’ll keep singing  Daena’s song in my head “hearts that break will mend and go”, and in a day or two I will mend and go.

Joyful

Kids know the meaning of joy, joy is smiling with your whole face when you're wearing your sweatshirt instead of your parka and it decides to snow....a lot. What's to be joyful about? I'm not sure. I guess you'd have to ask him because he sure seems to be. What would it be like to wake up every morning joyful, not "with joy" but totally "full of joy". I want to live like that.
Joy has nothing to do with your circumstances and everything to do with your attitude. I know, you're thinking that your circumstances define your attitude but that's only true if you let them. What if you refuse to let the shortfall in your finances, the harsh word of a family member, the stupid driver in your way affect your thankfulness to be alive, your joy. What if you were so full of joy that you were carrying it around it buckets full to the brim, buckets so full that it is continually splashing out. Picture that, joy splashing out on everyone around you, on that ones foot, another ones shirt sleeve, hah, got that ones fancy bag and that ones pants. Splashing out on some who deserve a dose of joy and some who really don't. The joy lands on them whether they are receptive or not. It's like a virus, you infect them and want it or not they've got it, even if only for a moment or two. Joy comes from allowing Got to act within you to accomplish things way beyond your strength or ability.
I don't think an attitude of joy is nearly enough I want to be absolutely, over the brim, spilling out, full of joy, not just when things are going my way but all the time. So if you see me you better look out because otherwise my joy, the joy of the Lord is going to come raining down all over you.

Nehemiah 8:10 Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” 

 

Political Rant?

 

This country has been good to me. I haven't achieved fame or fortune but I have enough to eat, a warm place to sleep and a vehicle that runs. To my thinking that's substantially more than a lot of people have. I am proud that I'm from the US and proud of my country. That doesn't mean that my country, like myself has no faults, has committed no sins but all in all I'd rather live here than anywhere else. That being said, I am sick of the political process. Like a bad divorce where you figure if even a fraction of what the two combatants say about each other is true, neither of them should get custody of the kids. I'm thinking if a fraction of what is being said by both major party candidates is true then neither of them should be president. I did vote because a lot of women went through hell to get me that right but I'm not sure I even like who I voted for. I know I have little confidence that either party can lead this country to a better future. Are we doomed? I don't know, sometimes I feel like we are but there's still that glimmer...I know what we as a people are capable of when we are at our best. Wouldn't it be great if right now, when so many in the northeast are hurting we were all "at our best". They could sure use it and it feels good go above and beyond for someone who really needs it. Maybe we need to limit our president to one term. He'd have no need to worry about who he ticked off by doing the right thing. Maybe that would work for congress too. One term and then out so instead of messing around and not showing up for votes they'd actually be there trying to get something done. Just a side note...I've never been offered a pension for a job that I only held for a few years. I've worked most of my life and in that time only one employer even offered a retirement plan (the employer put in the initial payment, the rest was employee funded). We have men and women who got shot at serving their country who left the military without "retiring" and they don't get a pension. I also pay my own health insurance on a lot less income than a member of congress makes. It's a part time job, it shouldn't include benefits.