Hearts that Break

“Seasons come and seasons go
Hearts that break will mend and grow
And when the darkness feels darker still
I’ll be with you, Oh I will, Oh I will. “

Daena Jay

I do believe that. I do believe that whatever I’m going through God is there with me. I do believe that I am never alone. That knowledge doesn’t keep me from falling into bouts of depression.  In my head I know it should but what I know has little to do with depression.  It’s like a dark entity invades every part of me. The usually aches and pains of being an older woman become more painful, the losses I have encountered and believe I have coped with suddenly burst into the room, not coped with at all. When my brain is functioning as it should small irritations slide into the back ground unnoticed and of no consequence.  When the invader arrives all of those minor irritations ingest a mega sized dose of steroids and become earth shattering and life altering.  I will blame it today on several days of cloudy weather and rain. I will blame it on my lack of will. I will blame it on my lack of faith. None of that is true there is no one, nothing is to blame. Before you blame me for not taking a magic pill to escape falling into the pit I will tell you I have. I’ve tried several and either they had no effect or made me a walking dead. Unlike some sufferers the invader doesn’t stay with me that long so I’ll pretend to be normal until I am once again. I’ll keep singing  Daena’s song in my head “hearts that break will mend and go”, and in a day or two I will mend and go.