Raids on Christian Militia

I'm not sure but what "Christian Militia" is an oxymoron....They somehow don't seem to belong in the same phrase. All that aside they've been charged with conspiracy. The report says they were arming themselves for war against the armies of the anti christ. OK so if they believe in all that shouldn't they believe that they'll already be gone in the rapture without ever needing the guns? All that aside is it illegal to arm yourself against the anti christ? I suppose if you feel he's already here and a US citizen it would be against the law. Unfortunately it makes anyone who wears the Christian name tag look like a part of the lunatic fringe. Not that I might not feel right at home with some of the lunatics but overall probably not an image the Christian faith would care to embrace.

should'a checked the calendar

I love volunteering at church but I got just a little carried away this morning. I told my grandson I'd sit with him in his kids church while he ran the "media" during the first service, I was scheduled to run media in adult church for the second service and in the baby nursery for the third service. It was a little tight but more fun that just showing up and weighing down a chair. One of the toddlers in the nursery fell asleep on my lap, probably no big deal when you live with one. When you're a grandma that doesn't happen too often so it's pretty special. When someone mentioned that I must attract the little ones I told them it's not magic, basically I have a very nicely padded lap (to go with the rest of my well padded self). Tell me, would you rather cuddle up on an overstuffed lazy boy or a hard old Adirondack chair... well I thought so.

Goodby Trolley

Already Gone

For four years there have been "Trolley Tours" in Dade City and I've often thought it would be fun. I have some cards at Henry C's Deli and Ice Cream where the Trolley starts so I made reservations for myself and my mom to go this afternoon. I thought today was the last day of the season but found out we were on the LAST tour unless a buyer is found. Dade City is such a cool "old Florida Town" and the tour was great. Some government agency spent thousands of dollars on wooden walkways that I've never seen anyone use but something that would be of great value to school kids and the local tourism industry is allowed to die. I don't understand what sense that makes

Trac Fone

Mom bought a new cell phone the other day. I called Trac Fone and had her number and minutes transferred and showed her where everything was on it. That night I was at a baby shower and got a call from her that her phone was making a beeping noise and wouldn't shut off. I could her it in the back ground. It sounded like an alarm (which the phone was equipped with) so I told her put it where she wouldn't hear it and I'd check it when I got home. The alarm wasn't set, the stop watch wasn't activated, there weren't any messages so I was at a loss as to where the beeping was coming from. We finally took the phone to Kmart to see if the lady in cell phones could exorcise whatever demon was possessing the cell phone. She couldn't find anything either. It continued to go off at 6am and 6pm but never when I was close enough to hear it. Finally last night the phantom sound at 6pm. I looked up at the clock that sits on the entertainment center, walked over and turned the alarm off, presto no more beep, beep, beep. I had knocked the clock off when unplugging some wires on the surround sound and didn't realize the alarm knob popped up. Life if tough when you overlook the obvious.

Lucado vs Koontz

I've been beating myself up for being a bad Christian. I can sit down and read an entire Dean Koontz book in an afternoon and evening but can only do a chapter at a time of any of my Christian books. After thinking about it a while I think maybe it's not that I don't find Lucado or his like interesting or entertaining. I think maybe I find it too important to just rip through. By reading a chapter then putting it down I have time to absorb and consider what I've read. Koontz is just for fun and if I miss and inflection or don't completely mine the meaning what difference does it really make? I guess that's why I've always had a hard time reading more than little snatches of the Bible at a time. I might miss something I really need to know if I try to do too much too quickly. The above could be a total rationalization for what it basically a major character flaw but I hope not.

Obsessing

If you stop and think about it there is no certainty in Life. We have no promise that we'll be here tomorrow or even a minute from now. Being a control freak I have the false assumption that I not only can control some things but should be able to control all things. That might explain why I'm a little off center. So I make myself crazy because being unemployed I can't plot out what I'll be doing next month or even next week. Sooner or later it comes down to not planning and not knowing and being OK with that. If I can get to where I am able to set some hazy long term goals without the complete power point presentation of the outline of how I am going to get there, I think I'll be fine. Well as fine as I can be.

I'm late

I think I've lost my mind. I was supposed to be meeting Connie in Trilby for our once a month hymn sing and totally forgot. Luckily she called me before she got there not so luckily I was a mile away from home on my bicycle. By pedaling really fast, changing faster and driving even faster I arrived in Trilby a half hour late. It was fun as always and I'm sure they were glad I didn't skip the wardrobe change. Me leading singing in spandex....not a pretty sight. Actually me in spandex period...not pretty. Well at least the fact I can't remember crap is making my mom feel better about her lapses in memory.

Bonsai Azalea

One of my friends gave me a small azalea bush after I bought my house. I had planted several over the years at my previous house and every single one of them died. I was told they loved the acidity of the soil around oak trees so that's where I planted them. Something I did was the kiss of death so I didn't have very high hopes for my newest victim. I took it out of it's little pot and planted it at the back corner where hopefully the Florida sun wouldn't give it heat stroke and watered it. A couple of years ago after a hard frost I thought it had died but to my surprise a tiny little bush came up from the roots. I've lived here five years and that little bush has survived pretty much without adding an inch to it's dimensions. It would be sad if not for the bravery it has shown. You'd think just surviving would be enough but each year without fail my little bonsai azalea blesses me with one to five blooms, each one a normal size, looking gigantic in comparison to the bush. What a lesson it's given me stunted as I might be from whatever adversity I may have encountered I have no excuse for not blooming just a big and bold as the next guy.

Spring

Finally I can cut back all the plants that died in the freezing temps. Managed to get the smallest of the flower beds done this morning. Cutting all the dead away looking forward to the new shoots coming up. So indicative of the season, a time of renewal, it always gives me joy and hope. Unfortunately the uplifting of my spirit doesn't translate to my back which isn't so happy with my efforts.

Missing You

My daughter and younger grandson were here for a few days. This is the first time they've visited in a long time when I didn't have to be at work all day. We had a blast but it went by way to quickly. It's like losing a piece of my heart every time I watch them go back through the doors at the airport. So much of our lives go on apart a few days here and there really don't make up for it. The contrast between the life I have with the grandson that's here and the one that isn't only makes it harder. I can never recapture what has already passed and never make up for the time we won't have together. I will never stop trying and hope the attempt is enough to make certain a little part of his heart belongs only to me.

Manic Depressant

Today has been a roller coaster day. I had lunch with three ladies I used to work with and it was nice, really nice. The fact that they are all still very much employed and I am not doesn’t seem to make it at all weird, although it very well could. I talked with Kristin about what I should buy for groceries for her visit and what I planned to do while her and Padyn are here and I was positively dancing down the grocery aisles to the stupid canned music. It felt so good to be getting ready for their visit. I should have gone to bed on that high note, instead my mom was asking me about “final plans” hers and mine and at the time it didn’t bother me but after she went to bed my eyes wandered up to the picture of both of my kids hand prints Kristin was three and Jordan was two. There it is real as life and he’s gone and after ten years I am still not “over it”. I know I never will be but how can I in the space of a few hours go from the highest to the lowest when nothing has changed. Kristin and Padyn are still coming for a week and Jordan is still gone. It is what it is and has not in any way changed. My circumstances are forever the same and I am forever dealing with them from either one end of the spectrum or the other, never from the middle. I suppose it’s because I will always want to be two places at the same time, here with my daughter and two grandsons and in heaven with my son. There is no middle ground.

Decisions

There is no answer yet on the appeal hearing for unemployment. I was really hoping it wouldn't go down to the wire. I have enough savings to pay my bills for exactly four more weeks. Serious decisions need to be made, like am I going to sell my house and go live with a family member or keep the house and sell my only vehicle. Of course selling the vehicle only buys me a little more time and completely messes up any chance of getting work since I'd have no way to get there. If I sell my house that means moving half way across the country and starting over where I have no contacts and no friends. I hate not knowing where I'm going or what I'm doing. I have faith that it will all work out I just wish I knew how now.

what is and is not a necessity

Have been a frequent visitor at the local Library lately since I had no internet access at the house. Most would argue that having internet is an option. When trying to find a job, I'm not so sure. Using the excuse that I'll soon have visitors who expect internet access, I've had it re-installed. If I sat down and calculated the amount of gas I used driving back and forth to the library I might be able to justify the expense, but probably not since it is withing bicycle range. Of course I really don't have enough life insurance to be riding a bicycle anywhere in this area. It's open season on pedestrians and bicyclists all year round here. The job search continues but mostly without enthusiasm. I have gone ahead and used my free southwest flight to plan a week at my daughter's for her graduation with the expectation that I wouldn't be doing anything thing else anyway....probably the perfect time to land a job. We'll see.....